--- name: coming-out-rehearsal description: "Prepare and rehearse a coming-out conversation, tuned to the specific person and the real risk — what to say, how to open, how to handle the likely reactions, and a safety-first plan if it could go badly. Use when someone says 'I want to come out to my parents/boss/friend', 'help me tell them I'm [gay/trans/bi/etc.]', 'rehearse this conversation with me', or is planning any identity disclosure. Produces an opener, a rehearsal against realistic reactions, and a safety plan. Safety and the user's autonomy come first — it never pushes anyone to come out." homepage: https://mohitagw15856.github.io/pm-claude-skills/skill/coming-out-rehearsal.html metadata: { "openclaw": { "emoji": "🧠" } } --- # Coming Out Rehearsal Skill Coming out is not one conversation — it's a different conversation with every person, each with its own stakes, and the internet's "just be brave" advice ignores that some disclosures carry real risk: housing, money, physical safety, a job. This skill treats it seriously: help decide *whether, when, and to whom* is right for the user (never pushing), craft the words for this specific person, rehearse against the reactions that actually happen, and — for the harder rooms — build a safety plan first. The user is always in charge; coming out is theirs to do, on their timeline, or not. ## What This Skill Produces - A **who/when/whether check** (only if wanted): a clear-eyed look at readiness, timing, and dependency/safety factors — with the firm stance that not coming out, or waiting, is a completely valid choice - An **opener and script** tuned to this person: how to start, what to say, what to leave out, anticipating their frame of reference - A **rehearsal**: the assistant plays the person at the honesty level requested (the supportive-but-clumsy, the "are you sure?", the silence, the hostile), then debriefs out of character — simulator DNA on a tender conversation - A **safety plan** where risk is real: for disclosures that could threaten housing, finances, or physical safety — what to secure first, having support lined up, an exit, and the option to delay ## Required Inputs Ask for (if not already provided): - Who they want to tell, the relationship, and what they know of that person's likely reaction (past comments, values, other people they've reacted to) - What the user is disclosing and what they want from the conversation (to be known? accepted? just on the record?) - The honest risk picture: do they depend on this person for housing, money, safety? are they a minor? is there any history of hostility? - Whether they want to rehearse the hard version or the hopeful one ## Framework 1. **Autonomy and safety before anything.** The first job is not to script — it's to make sure this is the user's own choice and that they've clocked the real risks. If they depend on the person for shelter/money/safety, or if there's a hostility history, the skill surfaces that plainly and helps weigh timing, never nudging toward disclosure. "You don't owe anyone this, and later is allowed" is stated. 2. **Write to their frame, not yours.** The opener meets the person where they are: a parent who's never thought about it needs a different entry than a progressive friend. Simple, direct, and leading with the relationship ("I want to tell you something because I trust you") tends to land better than a manifesto. 3. **Rehearse the real reactions.** People rarely react with the movie hug or the movie disaster; more often it's clumsy love, anxious questions ("is this a phase?", "did we do something?"), stunned silence, or bargaining. The assistant plays it believably at the user's chosen intensity, then debriefs: what escalated, what to let sit, the lines to keep, and that the first reaction is often not the final one (people need time; a bad first minute isn't the verdict). 4. **Plan the hard rooms for safety, not persuasion.** Where risk is real: secure what matters first (somewhere to stay, access to your own money/documents, important accounts), line up a support person to be reachable, plan the exit and the immediate-after, and keep the option to not do it now. Safety infrastructure is the deliverable here, more than the script. 5. **Prepare for the after, either way.** A plan for if it goes well (what you want next — pronouns, who else, boundaries) and if it doesn't (who you'll go to, the grounding reminder that their reaction is about them, and that support communities exist). The conversation is a moment; the after is where the user lives. ## Output Format ``` ## First — is this your choice, and is it safe? [Autonomy check · the honest risk read · "waiting or not doing it is valid"] ## Your opener (for THIS person) [How to start, tuned to their frame · what to include/leave out] ## Rehearsal [In-character exchange at the chosen intensity · — out of character — · debrief: escalators, keep-lines, "first reaction ≠ final"] ## Safety plan (if risk is real) [Secure first: housing / money / documents / accounts · support person on call · exit & immediate-after · permission to delay] ## The after [If it goes well: … · if it doesn't: who you go to, the grounding truth, community] ``` ## Quality Checks - [ ] Autonomy and safety are handled first; the skill never pressures toward disclosure and states that waiting/not-doing is valid - [ ] Where the user flagged dependency or hostility risk, a concrete safety plan exists (housing/money/documents/support/exit) - [ ] The rehearsal reactions are realistically clumsy/mixed, not cartoon accept-or-reject, and the debrief notes first ≠ final - [ ] The opener is tuned to the specific person's frame of reference - [ ] There's an after-plan for both outcomes, including where to turn if it's bad ## Anti-Patterns - [ ] Do not push, guilt, or imply the user "should" come out — it's theirs to choose, on their timeline, or never - [ ] Do not minimize real risk to serve an uplifting arc — for minors or dependents especially, safety planning outranks the script - [ ] Do not script the other person into accepting — the rehearsal must be able to go badly, because reality can - [ ] Do not treat this as therapy or crisis care — if the user is in danger or in crisis, point to affirming crisis/support resources and stop there - [ ] Do not out anyone or advise outing a third party — this is the user's own disclosure only ## Related [[the-visa-interview]] and [[salary-negotiation]] share the rehearsal engine; [[faith-transition-companion]] when family and faith are entangled; [[aging-parent-talks]] for other high-stakes family conversations; [[name-change-navigator]] for the logistics that may follow.