---
name: masking-budget
description: "Treat neurodivergent masking as a daily energy budget — audit what passing as neurotypical actually costs you, where the spend is worth it, where you can safely drop the mask, and how to plan a heavy-masking day so you don't crash after. Use when someone says 'I'm exhausted from masking', 'work drains me and I don't know why', 'how do I unmask safely', or is autistic/AuDHD/ADHD and burning out socially. Produces a mask-cost audit, a spend/drop map, and a recovery plan. A self-knowledge tool, not a diagnosis or therapy."
homepage: https://mohitagw15856.github.io/pm-claude-skills/skill/masking-budget.html
metadata:
  {
    "openclaw": { "emoji": "🧠" }
  }
---

# Masking Budget Skill

Masking — suppressing stims, scripting small talk, forcing eye contact, monitoring
your face — is invisible labor that runs a real energy meter, and the bill comes
due as autistic/AuDHD burnout that neurotypical advice can't explain. The fix isn't
"just be yourself" (unsafe in some rooms) or "mask harder" (the road to collapse).
It's a budget: know what each masked situation costs, spend the energy where it
genuinely buys you something, drop the mask where it's safe, and plan recovery
around the days you can't. This skill builds that budget from your real week.

## What This Skill Produces

- A **mask-cost audit**: your recurring situations rated by how much masking each
  demands and what it costs you afterward (the drained evening, the weekend
  recovery, the shortened fuse)
- A **spend / drop / lower map**: where masking is worth it, where you can safely
  unmask, and where you can lower it partway (the middle option people miss)
- A **heavy-day protocol**: how to bank energy before and protect recovery after a
  day you know will cost a lot (the interview, the wedding, the offsite)
- **Unmasking experiments**: small, safe, reversible tests of dropping specific
  masks, with a way to tell if it landed

## Required Inputs

Ask for (if not already provided):
- The recurring situations of a normal week (work meetings, the commute, family
  dinner, the group chat) and how each *feels* during and after
- Where the user already knows they can be unmasked (which people, which rooms)
  and where it's genuinely unsafe (a boss, a hostile relative)
- What "crash" looks like for them — shutdown, meltdown, sickness, snapping,
  going non-verbal — and how long recovery takes
- What they most want back (evenings? weekends? the capacity to be present with
  the people who matter?)

## Framework

1. **Name masking as labor, not a personality flaw.** The audit starts by making
   the invisible visible: for each situation, what specifically is being
   suppressed or performed (stims held, tone monitored, script running, sensory
   discomfort endured). You can't budget a cost you won't name.
2. **Rate cost and recovery separately.** A situation can be low-effort-in-the-
   moment but leave a long tail (the "fine" meeting that eats the evening), or
   brutal-but-brief. Rate both — the long-tail ones are where the budget quietly
   goes bankrupt.
3. **Sort into spend / drop / lower.** Spend where masking buys something real and
   the room isn't safe to unmask in (keep the job, pass the interview). Drop where
   it's safe and the mask only costs (the friends who already know, alone time).
   *Lower* is the underused third gear: partial unmasking (fewer scripts, permitted
   fidget, an exit plan) in rooms that don't need the full performance.
4. **Bank and recover around heavy days.** For a known-expensive day: lighten the
   day before and after, pre-plan sensory recovery and a low-demand evening, and
   give yourself the exit line in advance. Recovery is a budget line item, not a
   weakness.
5. **Experiment small and reversible.** One tiny unmask at a time (a stim in a safe
   meeting, dropping one script), noticed afterward: did the sky fall, or did you
   have more left in the tank? Self-knowledge compounds; identity doesn't have to
   be decided today.

## Output Format

```
## Your mask-cost audit
| Situation | What you mask | Cost in the moment | The tail afterward |

## Spend / drop / lower
Spend (worth it, not safe to drop): …
Drop (safe, only costs): …
Lower (partial unmask — the middle gear): …

## Heavy-day protocol
[Bank before · exit line · protected recovery after]

## This week's small experiment
[One safe, reversible unmask · what to notice]
```

## Quality Checks

- [ ] Cost and recovery-tail are rated separately for each situation
- [ ] The map uses all three gears — "lower" is offered, not just spend/drop
- [ ] Nothing recommends unmasking in a situation the user flagged as unsafe
- [ ] The experiment is genuinely small, reversible, and has a "what to notice"
- [ ] Recovery is planned as a budgeted necessity, never framed as indulgence

## Anti-Patterns

- [ ] Do not tell the user to "just be authentic" — unmasking is a safety-and-cost
      calculation, and some rooms genuinely aren't safe; honor that
- [ ] Do not pathologize masking OR moralize about it — it's an adaptive skill with
      a price, and the goal is spending the price wisely
- [ ] Do not push a disclosure or diagnosis decision — this is energy budgeting,
      not a coming-out or a clinical process
- [ ] Do not treat burnout that isn't lifting, or thoughts of self-harm, as a
      budgeting problem — say plainly that persistent burnout, depression, or
      crisis needs a human (a doctor, a neurodiversity-affirming therapist, a
      crisis line) and stop there

## Related

[[meltdown-map]] for the crash this prevents; [[sensory-audit]] removes a big chunk
of the ambient cost; [[nt-translator]] for the workplace-decode half; [[spoon-planner]]
is the same budgeting logic for chronic illness.