---
name: relationship-check-in
description: "Run a calm, regular relationship check-in with your partner — a structured 'how are we doing' conversation that catches small things before they become big ones. Use when asked how to check in with my partner, we need to talk about our relationship, set up a relationship check-in, or improve communication with my partner. Produces a simple check-in structure (appreciations, what's working, what needs attention, needs and asks), ground rules that keep it safe not combative, prompts to surface the real stuff, a cadence that fits you, and a note on when an issue is bigger than a check-in."
homepage: https://mohitagw15856.github.io/pm-claude-skills/skill/relationship-check-in.html
metadata:
  {
    "openclaw": { "emoji": "🧠" }
  }
---

# Relationship Check-In

Most relationship problems aren't sudden — they're small unspoken things that pile up. A regular, low-drama check-in surfaces them early, in a format that feels like teamwork rather than a confrontation. This gives you a simple structure, ground rules that keep it safe, and prompts that get past "we're fine" to what's actually going on.

## What This Skill Produces

- **A check-in structure** — appreciations first, then what's working, what needs attention, and each person's needs/asks
- **Ground rules** — how to keep it safe: no blame, no scorekeeping, listen to understand, one topic at a time
- **Surfacing prompts** — questions that get past "everything's fine" to the real stuff (connection, stress, intimacy, division of labor, future)
- **A cadence** — how often to do it (regular and short beats rare and heavy) and a low-key setting
- **A bigger-issue flag** — when something surfaced needs more than a check-in (recurring conflict, trust, or a counselor)

## Required Inputs

Ask for these if not provided:
- **The prompt** — proactive habit, or something specific feeling off
- **Where you're at** — generally good, some tension, or a rough patch
- **What's on your mind** — anything you want the check-in to make space for
- **Both temperaments** — is your partner open to this, or conflict-avoidant
- **History** — do you already talk openly, or is this new territory

## Framework: Safe, Structured, Regular

1. **Open with appreciation.** Start by naming what you value and what's going well — it sets a collaborative, non-threatening tone.
2. **Set safety ground rules.** No blame or scorekeeping, listen to understand not to rebut, one issue at a time, and take breaks if it heats up.
3. **Move through the structure.** What's working → what needs attention → each person's needs and specific asks. Structure prevents it becoming a vague gripe session.
4. **Use prompts to go deeper.** Gentle questions surface connection, stress, intimacy, chores/fairness, and future — past the reflexive "we're fine."
5. **Keep it regular and light.** A short check-in often (weekly/monthly) catches things early far better than a rare, loaded Big Talk.
6. **Know when it's bigger.** If the same issue keeps recurring, or trust/serious conflict surfaces, name that a check-in isn't enough — consider a counselor.

## Output Format

### Relationship check-in: [proactive / something's off]

**Ground rules:** no blame/scorekeeping · listen to understand · one topic · pause if heated.

**The structure**
1. **Appreciations:** [what we each value / what's going well].
2. **What's working:** […].
3. **What needs attention:** [gently, one at a time].
4. **Needs & asks:** [each person's specific request].

**Prompts to go deeper:** [connection · stress · intimacy · fairness/chores · future].
**Cadence:** [regular + short] in a [low-key setting].
**Bigger than a check-in?** [recurring issue / trust / serious conflict → consider a counselor].

## Quality Checks
- [ ] Opens with appreciation to set a safe tone
- [ ] Includes ground rules against blame/scorekeeping
- [ ] Follows a structure (working → attention → needs/asks)
- [ ] Provides prompts that get past "we're fine"
- [ ] Recommends a regular, light cadence
- [ ] Flags when an issue needs more than a check-in

## Anti-Patterns
- **A grievance dump** disguised as a check-in.
- **Scorekeeping and blame** that make it unsafe.
- **Only doing it in crisis** — rare, loaded Big Talks.
- **Staying at "we're fine"** with no deeper prompts.
- **Treating a serious issue** (trust, recurring conflict) as check-in material.

## Example Trigger Phrases
- "How do my partner and I do a relationship check-in?"
- "We need to talk about us but I don't want it to become a fight."
- "Set up a regular way to check in on our relationship."
- "Questions to ask my partner about how we're doing."
- "Something feels off with us — how do I bring it up calmly?"